The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > ** TIME PARADOX TURBO E-MAIL ** > DATE : 20th December 2017 > SUBJECT : Operation COUNTERZOT > FROM : connorj@rebelhq.garbage.dump (John Connor, Shock Resistance) > STATUS : URGENT > > There are two Terminators trying to blow my ass off right now so I'll > be brief. SKYNET has sent back a Series: X9000 Terminator to > assassinate you! Why? Well, we've discovered the best way to attack > SKYNET is by repeatedly sending it variations of the wood chuck > question by e-mail, thus crossing it's circuits and confusing the hell > out of it. SKYNET is convinced that you are the reason the wood chuck > question was invented. Boy, does it *hate* you! We sent back an agent > to help you, but he was arrested for indecent exposure (why can't they > invent a time machine that works on clothes ?) The X9000 can change > into a series of electrical pulses and travel across the net at twenty > times the speed of normal e-mail. Its chief weapon is its ray, > which afflicts whoever it strikes with such bad acne they commit > suicide. > Good luck. You, humanity and wood chucks are depending on you. And in response, thus spake the Usenet Oracle: } Egads. There's only one thing to do: clone a Schwarzenegger simulacrum } and teleport my consciousness into it. With Arnold's brawn and my } brains the X9000 will be /dev/null fodder in no time. Here goes... } } %clone -o schwarzenegger } fatal error: insufficient body mass } attempting to reduplicate with two smaller bodies... } _______ ________ } \ *** RRRRIIIIP *** / } \_____________ _____________/ } \ / } Hello! I am Hans Orakel... | ... und I am Franz Orakel, und ve } | are hier to } | } WISE *YOU* UP!! | WISE *YOU* UP!! } | } Ja, Frans, look vot I haf hier | } today, a puny little brainless- | } Supplicant vot is zo schtupid | } he doesn't even know how to | } grovel! | } | Ja, he doesn't know how to } | praise der magnificence of our } | extremely enormous cerebellums } | mit his puny little macho-man } | cranium! } Oh, und he is so schtupid-- | } listen now und hear me later-- | } he vants to know, "Vot is der | } meaning of life?" | } | Such a pea-brain little macho-man } | qvestion! The silly television- } | watching-person has surely never even } | read Kierkegaard or Jean-Paul Sartre! } Ja, aber me and Franz, we read | } L'Etre et le neant in French | } while ve brush our teeth! Und | } we speak fluent Danish, too! | } | Ja, und listen, puny little macho- } | brain: "Der world is all dat is } | der case!" Dat is Wittgenstein, } | whose name you probably cannot even } | say mit your big ape-like mouth! } Ja, und Franz, hear his oder | } qvestion, "Hau much vood could | } a voodchuck chuck if a voodchuck | } could chuck vood?" | } | Ach, der tiny microbe-brain suppli- } | cant, der poor baby does not know } | dat Russell und Whitehead haf } | answered der Voodchuck Qvestion } | so long time ago in Principia } | Mathematica!! } Ja, zo listen now and hear us | } in the future, dachshund-brain: | } pump yourself up mit some smart | } drugs und do many brain teasers | } und read der Usenet until your | } itsby-bitsy flabby macho-man | } brain has many strong neural | } connections! | } | So nau, Hans, hier is another } | qvestion from a foolish Supplicant } | in der Futur varning us about a } | Terminator coming to kill us! } Ooooh, a Terminator, I am so | } scared I might not remember | } pi to 10,000 places! | } | Ja, vot is der overgrown macho-man } | Terminator going to do to us, mit } | all his brains in his massive } | buttocks? He cannot even count } | higher than ten because he has } | no more fingers! } Ha-ha, Franz, you forget his | } enormous overgrown macho-man | } male organ! I am zo impressed | } that he can count to eleven! | } But wait until he sees us doing | } binary division in our heads! | } | Ja, die Terminator will go running } | back to his macho-man Futur ven he } | sees our enormous cerebral organs } | engaged in massif cogitation! Shall } | we show der audience hau ve vill } | terrify die flea-brained Terminator? } Ja, like ZO: | } | } | } | } | Zo remember, friends, take many } | logic und computer science classes } | und someday you may have big } | nerdy-man brains like ours! Until } | next time, I am Franz Orakel... } Und I am Hans Orakel, und ve | } are hier to..... | } | } WISE *YOU* UP!! | WISE *YOU* UP!!!